Failure and Acceptance

Failure. This has got to be one of the funniest words in the whole English language.  No matter how you say it, everyone has some episode from their life that instantly comes to mind. Some of us think of someone we let down or hurt; some of us think of the job we didn't get or the program we didn't get into; some of us think of the latest season of our sports teams; and some of us think of our bodies. We think of our diabetes, of our heart problems, of our infertility. We sit and we wonder why things happen to us. Why is that we have to go through things that others don't. We wonder why is it that we've worked so hard and tried to do so much, only to have some part of our body that we don't even really have control of crap out. At first we're in shock. Then that's usually followed by a good round of "life's not fair," which is usually capped off with an even bigger dose of "I hate God, or the universe, or whoever else is in charge." Finally, after a lot of steps (that for now I'm going to skip) comes the one word that probably brings more healing than any other word in the English language : acceptance. That moment where we really see that part of our life that has angered us  for so long and we can just look at it and not be angry. I'll be honest with everyone: there are parts of my life that I still haven't come to truly accept. My tempestuous relationship with my father, my inability to grasp certain subjects/areas of learning, and like most people there are certain areas of my past that I look back on with something that is most definitely not acceptance. The reason I want to share some thoughts on these two things (failure and acceptance) in an adoption blog is because they've been on mind a lot lately.

As we went through the process of trying to have a child on our own and figuring out our bodies were failing us, I came rather quickly to acceptance because this lesson is very similar to a lesson I started learning when I was 12 and was diagnosed with type-1 diabetes.  At 12 when you're body doesn't work right and you're also going through the difficulties of puberty, it takes a while to come to acceptance. When you're 29 and you're going through similar trials, it's quite frankly a lot easier because as a man I knew once said "The second verse sound just like the first."  I was at peace with our imperfect bodies; Erica wasn't.  It's taken her time and it's still something she is actively going through. I just saw this as a roadblock though. If you're trying to get somewhere and the road gets blocked you just start looking for other roads, right? Well I got to thinking about a girl I had known, once upon a time, who had placed her child for adoption. She was a very brave young woman who realized that she wanted her child to have opportunities that she couldn't provide at that time in her life. So she sacrificed and did what she believed was best for her child. She saw a roadblock ahead and found another way to get her child to the path she wanted it to be on.  Erica and I have had a roadblock placed in our path, and rather than quitting we're looking for an alternative route to get to the place we want to be: an expanded family with children. We know that there is a child/children that is/are meant to be on our path with us. We know that, just like my friend, there are people who have faced a roadblock but want something more for their child than maybe what they can give at the present time.

Isn't it strange how when we try to get around those roadblocks/failures that life occasionally presents us with it sometimes put us on the same road as someone who's going through something entirely different while trying to get around their own roadblock?  But while we are on this shared path and going through two entirely different things, we can help each other find that most elusive thing we all search for: acceptance. Acceptance of things we can't do, of choices we've made, of each other and of things that have happened to us. I know that as we help each other through those failures that come up in all of our lives that acceptance will come.  So often we help each other in ways that we never even realize.

So that is the summation of what I want to share today. Failure happen. It's inevitable; there's no way around it in this life.  However, with the help of other people, acceptance of these failures can come.  And after that the only word better than acceptance: peace.

-Melvin-

P.S.-- If you know anyone who needs a "pick me up" please share this with them, and as always please keep us in mind if you know of a young woman or couple that is in need of help.

  "And in the woods, two roads diverged. And I - I took the one less traveled. And that has made all the difference."

~"The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost